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Midnight

I find myself wide awake because of a little series of events that rattled my nerves a little and sent my sleepiness away.

Contradictions can keep one awake, especially if they bother you. How useful and useless I feel at the same time. Patient and impatient. Understanding and angry. And a whole lot more. Things I've been brewing in my head.

Now it's time to move on. Even if this doesn't make any sense to you, reader, if you even exist.

Blackouts

My vacation has been sort of hell. I rarely experienced power outages in MM. The longest blackout in my life was probably when typhoon Milenyo (also known as Xangsane) visited my country and then Vietnam and Thailand. Understandably, the damage lead to a power outage that lasted up to a week in some areas.

But please. Intermittent blackouts do get on one's nerves, especially in the blistering heat of summer this El Niño "season." (blackouts occur 3-4 times a day, 1-2 hours per blackout) Our house is a good greenhouse, thanks to glass windows surrounding almost every wall of our house. I can sacrifice the internet and cold drinking water. But the heat is deadly.

Come election week, power outages stayed behind bars. Now that the official counting is almost over, they (outages) are threatening to come break loose. Last night, I had a hard time faling asleep. It was 10pm when everything went dark. It lasted for two hours.

So far, that was the only outage within the last 12 hours. But it's probably best to expect more of them soon.

RANT ENTRY #001

Ever since I was little, I remember being compared to everyone else for any reason imaginable. Of course, any child experiences this. Depending on how they are worded or expressed, comparisons may come of as encouraging, degrading, or annoying at least.

As a kid, I used to enjoy them as they were mostly "positive," meaning I am usually the one with the "better" qualities. I came to a point when I wondered how I would feel if I was in the "lesser" person's position. That would be hurtful. I also realised how the practice was also damaging to me to an extent. It inculcated in me the unconscious belief that I am the "best" one. No one can be better than I. If anyone got a higher score in a quiz for instance, I would naturally think of alibis (e.g. I did not sleep well enough, the classmate has a tutor, etc) just not to make the other person "better" than I, as this was a habit I got from hearing it said by older people who are "on my side."

After more than two decades, almost nothing has changed. Sometimes, I want to defend the other people. I can't always be the best. It is true that I did not study in a science high school. It is true that education in my hometown cannot compete with the best high schools. But it is also true that I was not internally motivated during my first three years of college. It is also true that I often commit careless mistakes in computations. It is true that I am not always the quickest to learn. I can't always be the best for many reasons. They don't need to emphasize one set of reasons over the other. And most importantly, they don't need to MAKE UP stories about others who perform better to bring them down.

Right now, I remember some say these about a child prodigy: she does not have a social life, all she ever does is study, the point being that she is socially impaired in some way. I think you're just jealous of her. Hmmff!

People, we need to accept ourselves and others for who we are and not what we accomplish. Those are two separate things. Accomplishments do not measure your worth! You are not in competition with the other people. You can only compare YOU with YOURSELF or ME with MYSELF, WITHOUT BRINGING OTHER PEOPLE DOWN.

And FYI, just because a person seems slow, doesn't mean he/she is necessarily less intelligent. What do you know of his/her mind?!

**might be edited later

After 8 days

It sure has been one hell of a week. I don't mean to say it was bad. I'm glad my cousin had fun going around the metro and going to Tagaytay (best trip IMO). But I am not very fond of shopping for clothes. I am naturally thrifty. Spending 400 bucks a day is not my thing. Later today (after I get some sleep), I'll send my cousin to the airport and return to the life I have always known.

I miss my ripstik. I'll get to play with it again. Finally.

Just a thought.

Many will agree with me that the world can make you lose a lot of your values if you're not careful. I have been a "victim" of it myself. I thank God for the people who share their beliefs and explain sensibly. If it weren't for them, I would have gotten completely lost in the woods.

I was confused

Hell, yeah. The sleepover is supposed to happen on Saturday (tomorrow), not today. I was confused. I only remembered after a chat with my friend, A. I hope I didn't misinform my other friend, J, of the date. I really want the sleepover to push through. With their busy schedules, anything that is planned can fail with a 70-80% chance.

I miss the old days when A had a lighter schedule and workload. She's going through a lot of emotional turmoil as well. God bless her.

...

I'm at McDonald's Katipunan right now, just staying away from the heat and boredom in my room.